


Distraction from Love

by J_33



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, romanogers - Freeform, soumates au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4565484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_33/pseuds/J_33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha wanted nothing more than to be with Steve, but he deserved so much more, more than she could ever offer, so she would have to settle for being his friend, no matter how much it hurt.</p><p>(soulmates au)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distraction from Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rickrollerblades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickrollerblades/gifts).



> Based on the prompt: a soulmates fic with Nat thinking she's not good enough for Steve/trying to distance herself even though it hurts?

When Natasha was young, she had little hope of ever finding her soulmate. The Red Room had dissolved the concept of love. To them love was a tool to get what you wanted, it was manipulative, and cruel, and it wasn’t real.

 

_Love is for children._

 

So, even after she rid her ties with the Red Room, and started working for SHIELD, Natasha believed that love for her, was a lost cause. Yes, she may have loved people in the past. She imagined loving her mother, and her father, and them loving her enough to save her during the fire, and the cost of their own lives. And sometimes in her dreams, she would see a man with a metal arm, and feel his cool lips brush against her cheek, late at night when they were supposed to be alone in their quarters, and she often thought: _Is this love?_ And maybe it was, until they took him away, and erased his mind, and made him into something dark, all because they were together.

 

One time during on a mission, one of her first few working for the good guys, Natasha had thought that maybe she could learn to love Clint, he did save her life after all, and not in the common sense. But the longer she got to know him, the better friend he became, and his friendship was far too valuable to be thrown away to have a relationship. He had found his soulmate anyway, in a women named Laura, and Natasha was happy for him, despite her lost faith in love.

 

That was until New York happened, and Captain America was brought out of the ice. The Avengers made things very complicated. Natasha was used to working with maybe one other person, but a team? Especially a team made up of six totally different people.

 

Thor was a God, Banner was quiet, Tony was, well Tony, and then there was Steve Rogers. Even after spending seventy five years lost in a glacier, he was still so warm, kind, and…

 

_No – thought like that are dangerous. He’s Captain Freakin America, and you’re the Black Widow, a spy, a missionary, a killer. He deserves more, so much more._

So, when he officially joined SHIELD, and got partnered up with Natasha, she started to set him up on dates. First, Sally from Research, and then Lauren from the STAT Team, but every girl, he turned down, and Natasha just couldn’t figure out why.

 

“Hannah was so nice, why didn’t you like her?” she asked, sitting across from him at the tall table in the bar.

 

Steve took a sip of his beer and said, “She asked me to sign a vintage Captain America photograph at dinner.”

 

“That means she’s a fan, even better,” Natasha said with a laugh.

 

“All these girls, all they see is Captain America, not Steve Rogers,” he said.

 

They both went silent, and Natasha swore she felt him looking at her, begging her to ask him out, because she did see him, for who he was, and she so badly wanted too… But she couldn’t, he deserved someone that wasn’t so messed up, someone that could give him a future, and a life beyond hunting bad guys.

 

“Then how bout we try looking for people outside of work, I know this nurse.”

 

***

 

After that encounter, Natasha tried to start distancing herself from him. When they were at work, she still did her job, and completed the mission, but that’s all it was, a mission.

 

Missions were simple, get in, get out, and finish the task, but people, people were the hard part.

 

Whenever Steve asked her to see a movie, or get a drink, she would politely decline, and say she had work to do, she even talked to Fury about getting assigned on more missions, anything to keep her busy, and keep her mind off of Steve.

 

Still, during missions she found her mind wandering, and she wondered what he was doing, and who he was with, if he was thinking of her, but of course he wasn’t, why would he be?

 

The mission was supposed to be a simple one, and Natasha was the best at what she did, but tonight she was distracted, and distractions get people killed.

 

She didn’t see the glint of the snipers gun, not until the bullet pierced through her gut. Bleeding out in the snow, that covered the woods, Natasha couldn’t help but think of Steve, and how she would die never saying the words she wanted him to know. And even as her vision faded to black, and all she could feel was the coldness of the snow, and the warmth of her blood, and the throbbing numbness that had replaced the pain, she saw his smile, and everything felt okay.

 

***

 

The beeping of a machine was all she heard, that and someone saying something that she couldn’t fully comprehend, but when she woke up that person was gone.

 

The doctor told her that the bullet nicked her lung, but would leave any permeant damage, still she needed to take some time off of work, which was bad because then she wouldn’t have an excuse not to see Steve.

 

Natasha was in her apartment, reading some boring book about how technology is changing the world, when there was a knock at her door. She got up, ignoring the slight pain in her side, and opened the door.

 

“What the hell, Natasha?” Steve said, angrily, barging in without waiting for an invitation.

 

“Nice to see you too,” she said, moving over to the counter, as he continued to pace like a madman.

“Everything’s a joke to you isn’t it? You almost died and I had to hear about it from some Rookie,” he said.

 

“Well, I’m fine now.”

 

“You never want to hang out, you barely talk to me about anything other than work. I just don’t know what I did – did I say something, did I do something wrong to make you dislike me?”

 

“Steve, it’s not what you think,” she responded, guilt clouding her mind.

 

“Then what is it Nat? We’re supposed to be partners,” Steve said back.

 

“Exactly. We’re supposed to be partners, that’s all we’re supposed to be, nothing more, nothing less, and I just, I found myself wanting to be more than you’re friend, which is totally unprofessional, and I’m sorry,” she said.

 

“Don’t apologize. Since Peggy, I thought I lost my soulmate, but maybe…”

 

“Stop. This is what I was afraid of. You deserve so much more than what I have to offer, we just can’t be meant to be, you’re too good and I’m too—,” she babbled.

 

“Natasha please, you’re the best person I know. Love is about trust, love is about working together, and I think we have those two things down,” he said, standing in front of her. “If you want to, I’m willing to try whatever this is, because I think it’s worth it, you’re worth it.”

 

Natasha looked up at him, and that same face she saw bleeding out in the woods all alone, and she knew that she didn’t want to be alone anymore.

 

She leaned up and kissed him. “I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I've never written a soulmates fic before, so I hope I did it right lol. Leave anymore requests below:)


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